Over the weekend I had a pretty rough accident on a four wheeler. I left with a few scrapes and bruises but otherwise no real harm was done, thank the Lord (wear your helmets people!). Ironically, the accident happened right after a friend was telling me what to do if I felt I was going to flip or fall off the four wheeler. I was so excited and ready to get going and have fun that I really didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, and couldn’t remember what to do when right off the bat I started to flip going up hill. The longer I’ve sat and thought about that, the more I felt it related to my spiritual life as well.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve went against God’s will and got burned in the process, where I am too caught up in the highs and lows of life to remember His truth.
Do you know how many times God as told me he loves me? How many times He’s told me that it doesn’t matter what I’ve done, that it won’t change how He cares for me?
Too many to count.
And every single time I mess up, I seem to forget about those intimate moments He shared with me. I forget the verses He gave me, the people He used in my life to show me He wants to be close to me. Our minds cannot fathom his love for us— it’s beyond our understanding. I try to keep that in mind when I doubt, but from a human standpoint, I feel like I can never be forgiven. That I’ve gone too far, that He’s finally done with me.
But oh my, I love when He proves me wrong. He pursues me without fail every time. He’s the perfect friend, father, lover.
The most recent verse He gave me was Isaiah 44:21-22: “Remember these things, Jacob, for you, Israel, are my servant. I have made you, you are my servant; Israel, I will not forget you. I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”
This verse led to probably the biggest epiphany I’ve ever had. When I was 21 and spending a good half of my time incoherently drunk, I had a dream. In my dream my mom was throwing me objects and I was making a shape. She kept telling me, “don’t you understand what this is?” And I said “yes, it’s a woman with a crown with twelve stars.” When I woke up, the dream bugged me and out of curiosity I googled ‘a woman with a crown with twelve stars’ to see if anything would come up. I was definitely shocked when I realized that it was in the Bible, namely Revelation, chapter 12. The woman is portrayed as Israel, and the twelve stars the Twelve Tribes of Israel.
Even knowing that the dream was significant in some way, I didn’t understand. If God was trying to tell me something, I had no clue what it was. I never really pursued it but I never ever forgot it and it came up in my mind often.
It wasn’t until that moment on my couch, when I was feeling down about myself and Gods opinion of me, and he gave me the verse in Isaiah that I started to think about that dream again. I felt like in that verse, when He says Isreal, He was talking about me. Crazy right? And then it hit me. All those years ago when I was out living in complete rebellion, He called me. Isreal. He was calling me, because I was His. A part of His people, a remnant of Israel. And with that simple verse, He reminded me that He redeemed me. Did you know redeem means to ‘buy back’? Well that’s what He did. He bought me with His blood and He loves me!
The God of the world, of the heavens and the earth, loves ME! It leaves me speechless to think about.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. If you take anything from this, I hope it’s this: God loves you, and He redeemed you. His voice is often quiet, but I promise if you listen, you’ll find Him calling you home.